Parenting a perfectionist

When Jaida was two years old, she developed this obsession with not liking stuff in between her toes. If she had sandals on and felt something, she would stop in the middle of the sidewalk and try to get it out. While playing at parks, she would constantly stop and look at her toes. She would also check her toes every night before going to bed, which almost always resulted in needing her feet washed in the sink. She was our first child, and we didn't know any different.

Once she grew out of her obsession with her toes, she went on to have issues with her sleeves needing to be at a certain length. Once that broke, she became very worried about her neckline, and we wasted a lot of money on shirts she would never wear because they did not have the perfect neckline.

By the time she was in Kindergarten and I did her hair for school, she was obsessed with making sure I did it "perfectly." There was not a bump in it. If there was, she would shut down or start crying because it bothered her so much. I mean, I was a hairdresser for seven years, I knew how to do hair, and she was my hardest client.

As her mother, this behavior was extremely challenging for me, as I don't have a perfectionist bone in my body. I was always trying to navigate her "issues" or, truthfully, "break her" of these odd behaviors.

I started to quickly learn that Jaida battles with being a perfectionist.

Jaida will be 14 years old in a couple of months, and when you look at her from the outside, you will very much see that she is an amazing dancer, very athletic, has amazing grades, and one would think that everything just comes so easily for her.

What people don't see is how hard Jake and I have worked on the backend with her. The many talks we have had, the tools we have provided, the prayers we have prayed with her, the therapy sessions we have taken her to, or the worry we deal with when we can see on a court or field that she is totally shutting down.

She has taught us so much!

I was so proud of her when I interviewed her on my Podcast because she addresses what it is like to be a perfectionist. Both the good and the hard. Writing this blog makes me realize how certain times were so hard for all of us and how far we have all come with understanding how she ticks.

This will not go away. It is part of her makeup that she has that she is currently learning and will forever learn to navigate. And I hope the help and support we have given her will set her up for a better future.

That's the goal as parents, to do the best we can and take the time to educate ourselves, learn and grow. I have messed up a million times so far in her 14 years, but when we know better, we do better.

This is also a good reminder for all of us that we are all battling something. No household or family is perfect. It doesn't exist. And the next time we feel the need to judge a child or say something unkind, to be reminded that we truly have no idea what they are going through. 

With Love + Friendship, Megan May